Interracial Relationships

Interracial relationships are the best and worst of white supremacy, and various power networks and systems. Man/woman relationships are compounded by patriarchy. International relationships are complex as well, but the power dynamic of race is substantial. I speak to US racialization. The world of race is complex and each country has its own history and slant on the problem. I have been in close relationships with Black women since 1982. My experience is not in academia or in the movement for Black lives. My experience for many years was deep personal relationships. From my perspective at the time I was just present. I didn't push the race issue except to be present and listen, like a spy. I didn't get much trust in the situation.

I met my first Black girlfriend at a thrift store in Twinbrook. She was the store manager. I have always been a thrift store shopper and still am. It was amazing to get behind the scenes. I don't remember the beginning of our relationship. Toward the end of our relationship I met her parents. She told me about her family. Her brother was in prison for a long time. That relationship lasted 9 months. I was beginning to love her, but she wanted a baby. I made it clear that was not in my plan at that point. That was it.

I had kissed a Black woman in high school, one of the two Black women at our school. I had dated various white women but those relationships ended. I didn't get into a Black woman only type of streak. At the time I was dating my first Black girlfriend I worked at Merrill Lynch Securities. The department I worked in was managed by a gay Black man. 1982! That was pretty progressive. My supervisor was also Black. I left that job after 3 years. I gave my girlfriend a recommendation and as far as I know she worked there for a while. This had been a very light, short romance. There was no complexity at all on my part. I was young and really didn't learn much from the relationship.

I met a Black guy shortly afterwards and we became friends. His name was Rudy and also went by Tony. We hung out together at Black clubs for a few years. We would go out as much as 7 nights a week. I wasn't chasing exoticness. We went to jazz clubs, strip clubs, dance clubs. There was one place that would close down at 4 or 5 and shut off the lights. It was there way of getting around the rules of serving alcohol after hours. I rarely danced with anyone and never went home with anyone or brought them home. It was just hanging out in another culture. I enjoyed the culture.

My latest interracial relationship started in 1998 and continues today. We dated for 5 years and we have been married after that. I have two interracial kids from previous relationships. Only in this longer relationship did we really delve into race stuff. Also, of course, I am older and maybe not so obvious I am more mature. We explored race together as part of a church mission group on racism. We read books and had discussions. We watched movies and went to workshops and other trainings.

As I spent time learning I threw myself into it. With the wealth of information I gained I was shocked by what I didn't know. I had long felt compassion and an intuitive understanding, but the evidence that was being distributed was overwhelming. The power of Black voices rising was inspiring and shocking for me.

Black leadership scrutiny

I recently read a Post article about Ibrahim Kendi. It makes for interesting reading. There is also a NY Times piece along the same lines. I have had concerns any time one persons perspective gets too much exposure. We need a variety of thinking on these issues. The issue of racism needs lots of exposure but we have to have exposure of the different layers and experiences of Black people. I believe in gaining guidance from a Black anti-racist leader but some of these leaders are at risk of profiteering or even the look of profiteering. Likewise we need to consider different viewpoints in our group. It does NOT mean we automatically compromise and meet in the middle. I seek truth and truth doesn't meet in the middle. I hear many points of view from my Black friends on Facebook ranging from activists to preachers to Trump supporters. I have said before I tend to read articles which may or may not represent a lot of peoples view but it's not a long trip on a single perspective. Some of the perspectives are shared as video and some as simple as a meme. A lot of the ideas are fairly simple. The history is more complex. The ideas include simple ideas like love your neighbor, treat us like people, I don't want to talk about racism all the time, I'm human. 

I tried to share a parallel to this idea in my teaching Sunday. We need to accept the truth that Black leaders share. There's something wrong. We need to hear that deeply. There is something we can do. We need to act with compassion. Even if we make mistakes the action tells Black people we're willing to operate in "dangerous ground". We're willing to expose ourselves to scrutiny. We're going to take a step today and another one tomorrow. Hopefully we won't have to step back because we went the wrong way, but we'll map our journey for others. We'll share our mistakes and our successes.

Others will be able to learn from our journey because we acknowledge and openly share our mistakes. I don't care who walked with Dr King 60 years ago. I care who is in the struggle today especially if they made mistakes before. They can share an understanding and some vital lessons. Our struggle is about life and the life-giving benefit of compassion for one another as Gods creatures. White people need to be given compassion and so do Black people. White people need to face justice individually and as a corporate body. Our white institutions also need to face scrutiny. Progress derailed within the last 60 years and white people by and large ignored it.

Article about Kendi in WaPo

Article about Kendi in NY Times

Ride in Raleigh - People who need to give up their driving license

I went for a ride from my brothers house in North Hills area in Raleigh, NC. I chose a route that we took when we drove down from DC. There are a lot of multi-lane roads here and lots of cyclists ride on these big roads. I ride them when I come. The backroads are far from my brothers house and it takes too much navigating to use them. The other advantage is this route is fairly level. I hadn't been riding much and my legs are not up to climbing a lot.

I rode out about 8 1/2 miles and stopped to rest. My speed had been about 16 mph which is a little fast for me. It was a beautiful 65 degree day in November. I had some water. I turned around there and headed back towards town on the same road. When I was almost back home a car passed me with great speed IN MY LANE! I claim the lane so there was no room for him to pass. He missed me by an inch at great speed. I'm not one to exaggerate. He passed with such speed and wrecklessness I was shocked. I caught up with him at the next traffic light. He was older and seemed to be clueless as I was adjusting his mirror for him. He didn't respond to any of my rants. Wow. He needs to have his license taken away.

Bike Pump

When we lived in Thailand my twenty year old bike pump died. I may have been able to revive it with parts, but nah! I decided to throw out some money for a brand new one. Twenty years was plenty of service for a vital device. Shopping in Thailand is difficult for hardware. There were a couple of bike shops, but to try to explain to the staff what we needed was a challenge sometimes. I remember going to the hardware store and giving up on something I was looking for. So, I brought my pump in and showed them it didn't work and they got the idea. They had a couple brands. One of them was a Chinese brand I recognized. So I bought it. I had it a week and it stopped working. The valve leaked. I went to return the pump which I had never used but they wouldn't give my money back. I was shocked. I ended up ordering adapters from Alibaba in China. I got 3 delivered for about $2. It's worked ever since 2018.

Comfort by Considering Seat and Handlebar Adjustments

When it comes to riding a mechanical contraption we need to adapt the machine to meet the needs of the rider. The three places that can adapt and affect comfort are the handlebars, saddle and pedals. There are several ways to notice that something needs to change. There can be numbness, a crick in the neck or pain in various places. Most times an adjustment of the fit of the bike will help if not solve the problem. Sometimes the size of the frame is the problem. If you've got medical issues, the solution may be a special bike like a recumbent or upright bike.

In this article I'm covering the options that are simplest. These options will cost nothing but time if you have tools or a few dollars if you take it to a shop.

The saddle

Most bike seats or saddles slide forward and back. You loosen the adjustment bolt and the seat will adjust position. This is a fairly minor adjustment but in combination with the other two areas it can contribute to overall comfort.

The pedals/seat height

When people are new to cycling there is a bit of fear in balancing a bicycle. We want to be close to the ground. Hence, we often lower the seat so that we're not so far from the ground. Then, if we fall, we won't hurt ourselves. This is great if you're a toddler. I recommend it. If you're not a toddler you want to keep in mind that your leg muscles are most effective when extended fully. Bent double a leg muscle gets probably a tenth of the power out of your leg. When we come to a hill on a traditional bicycle, we often find ourselves rising out of the saddle to power up the hill. That is an example of our intuitive response as kids. We know that standing up gives us power. As an adult we may need to relearn that. In lieu of always standing up to get power we can adjust the seat height which will allow our legs to extend fully without getting out of the saddle.

With the proper frame size the seat height makes all the difference. It allows me to overcome most hills without leaving the saddle. Staying in the saddle also gives more stability to the ride. The adjustment of seat height is made by the bolt at the seat post at the top of the frame. You can look it up on youtube. I recommend the higher the better. You'll have to get used to it. I recommend practicing the new height for a while around your neighborhood. As you approach a stopping point come down from the saddle before the stop and stabilize. After a while this will become automatic.

Handlebars

There are two ways to adjust the handlebar position - forward and back is one method to adjust for comfort while up and down is another. There is lots of flexibility in adjusting the handlebar position. The stem rises from the frame and supports the bars. There are actually two parts: the stem and the stem extension. The stem adjusts vertical and the stem extension is available in different lengths.

Sometimes when the bike frame is a little short we can raise the handlebars to create a comfortable ride. I usually prefer a saddle height equal to the bar height. Some might find it better is the handlebar is higher than the saddle. A lower bar height can also put more body weight on your hands. That can make your hands numb or have other adverse effects.

When the bike frame is a little small you can adjust the handlebar forward by installing a longer stem extension on the frame. There is another option available to raise the bar position. There is a stem riser you can buy that will extend the vertical height of the bar position.

Overall, these different options give you a lot of latitude in adjusting the bike to your body. If any of the three options is out of adjustment to your body, you may experience numbness in hands or feet, joint or nerve pain or neck pain. The saddle does not have to be padded. A saddle that has too much padding can cause chafing between your legs. That is not a happy experience. I find an equal balance of weight distributed between the saddle, bars and pedals makes a world of difference in enjoying a ride.

Learning about some of the subtleties

During a previous ride with this group I bonked. Bonking is just running out of steam. It caused me to fade and crash in energy. I was able to complete the ride, but in terms of energy I was washed out. After reflecting on my day I realized that I had only had a sandwich for lunch. I needed more fuel for my machine.

Two weeks later I rode, last Friday, with the same group. I drank some water just before driving over to the ride site. I brought an apple. I brought M&Ms. I ate a peanut butter sandwich just before departing for the drive. I completely replenished about 45 minutes before my drive over to the site. That fuel made all the difference. I was not in that much better shape, and I didn't bonk. I maintained energy and completed the ride.

Aging in the saddle

I first experienced what relates to my age when I was in Thailand at age 60. I strained a muscle in my chest which effected my ability to climb hills on my bicycle. The act of standing in the saddle and pulling side to side on the handlebars hurt. I rested for a week or two. Then began recovery rides where I didn't strain myself and tried to overcome the pain. Then I had a back injury which effected me the same way. It was not a debilitating back injury but it impacted the comfort of my ride. I think between the two injuries I rode less for several months. At a younger age I wouldn't have had either injury because my upper body was a little stronger and more resilient. Now I've had another minor injury from working my upper body at the YMCA. I did various weight machines for a total of 10 minutes, very few reps with small amount of weight. The next day I had this hot dull pain in my chest. The pain was bearable but extremely irritating. Of course I was concerned that it could be the sign of a more serious diagnosis like heart something. After a week of suffering I went to the doctor. They did an EKG just to make sure. Everything was fine. When I go for rides my chest is still sensitive. I know if I ride aggressively on a tough hill I will pay for it.